Mental health is like a rollercoaster

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Where do you with a post like this. Literally the past few months my mental health has been like a rollercoaster. It has been horrible. Times I’ve been thinking what the actual fuck is going on in my head. People shouldn’t have to suffer like this. I wouldn’t want anyone to go through this. I wish sometimes there was an off button. I’ve been feeling really tired lately but think that’s due to my brain going into overdrive when Im trying to fall asleep. It even got to the point where I stopped reading books. Which was a really good escape for me to take my mind of things and switch off. Thankfully Im back reading and forgot how much I missed it (but that’s another story) I have noticed lately that my mood swings have been quite erratic. I’ve either been really hyper or in a low mood with myself without even realising. My partner knows the signs if Im struggling. she seems to know the right questions and brings me round. but due to my stubbornness I can be in a rut for while. I think the one I’ve just come out of has been the longest one yet. I always seem to be fine on the outside which means Im good at masking it. I always think that if i show my feelings especially at work or with friends and even other family members i don’t think they would ever judge me. it’s just that Im not one for expressing myself outright especially when Im face to face with someone. my partner is the only one i feel comfortable enough around to talk about it and that’s when she’s nagged me enough for me to talk to her about it. I’m not saying mine is worse than anyone elses. We all deal with this differently. If you’re going through something like this then open up. I know its hard but using my blog to express myself a bit really off loads a lot of weight that I feel like ive been carrying. I feel relieved after ive written it down and if it helps some one then its brilliant. If anyone has any questions please ask. Also speak up about it help yourself, help someone. Thats me signing off from this one. I feel like I’ve written enough and feel better for it. Thank you for your time and reading this.

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Cannot think of a title for this.

Lately I’ve been seeing my depression as a part of me. I’ve been selfless enough in thinking that it wasn’t actually apart of. I always thought of it as some ‘thing’ as I always thought I could never control it. Which in actual fact you can’t. I’m learning now to do deal with a lot better than I ever have. Yes I am on medication for it. Which I honestly think I need. I tried dealing with it without medication before and I seemed to be feeling worse. I couldn’t get a hold of myself and felt I was in a constant pit just falling deeper and deeper. I’m lucky enough that I’ve got an amazing family and friends around me. Even though most of them don’t know that I’m actually depressed. They are helping with out realising. I can honestly say I’m quite embarrassed to tell people who I’m depressed. I don’t know why I just find it hard for me open up and talk to people about it. Except on here I find it quite easy.

I think this is my way of dealing with it. Writing it on my blog. This wasn’t my intention for my blog. My blog my rules as another blogger keeps mentioning 😂😂  I’m usually quite open and seem to have one of those faces where people come for advice for any of their problems. If any of you have any problems just send me a message and we can talk through things. I find hiding behind a screen helps a lot. You haven’t got people looking and judging you.

I’ve missed doing this. It’s been a long time since I’ve expressed some sort of feelings into words.

 

How quick has this year gone?

Is it just me of have I missed the whole of 2018 with a blink of an eye. This year has had it’s ups and downs. As it may for everyone. I’m not going to concentrate on the negatives as they’ve been dealt with. I think 2018 has been a really positive year. I’ve been promoted at work which is great. I’m enjoying work again. As I thought this was the main reason why I was always feeling low. Especially before my shift. Now you can’t keep me away from work.

Also another magical moment. Seeing my second daughter being born. I can’t explain how amazing this feeling is. Not to happen once but twice. I can’t thank my partner enough for giving me two beautiful children. I honestly don’t know how she done it. Yes I did cry my eyes out when they were both born. I couldn’t help it. Just the wave of emotion you have when you see them for the first time is amazing. I’m going to leave it there before I start crying again 😂😂

Every year people keep asking about new year resolutions. I’m not a big fan of them to be honest. I’m just going to be more positive about life and enjoy being with my family.

I hope you all have wonderful Christmas and New year.

What’s your new year resolutions?

I’m looking forward to 2019 and need to get a handle on my books. I’ve got so many that I keep randomly buying that sound interesting but haven’t actually come to reading them. My wardrobe is now starting to look likea library 😂😂

 

The LifeBlood of the ill fated woman.

I was lucky enough to recieve this book from the author himself (Kevin Breaux) and once I started reading it I couldn’t put it down. The book kicks off with a warrior woman Astrid the white (someone who you wouldn’t want to mess with) The picture in my head when I think of Astrid is the main character in Horizon called Aloy anyway onto the review 😂

Astrid has awoke in a strange place that she’s never heard of. Even upon awakening Astrid has to defend herself and let her warrior skills take over.

Astrid walks to a town and is befriended by a warrior called Warren who takes Astrid in and tries to help her find her way back to her family and her homeland.

Astrid doesn’t take to her new surroundings she’s always getting into trouble and arguing with the elders about her homeland and they don’t believe a word she is saying.

For me Astrid was a person I could connect with straight away and enjoyed the character development of Astrid and her companions that she met on her way.

The book does have you gripped straight away. As I’m always thinking ahead to see how it will pan out but it never seems to go the way I think. That’s what I like about Kevin’s books. You’re literally sitting on the edge of your seat looking forward to the next page/paragraph and word to see whats going to happen.

If you haven’t read this or any other of Kevin’s books please go and check them out. Also one last thing the cover looks amazing. I want the actual book just to have in my book shelf 😂

What todo?

Lately I think I’ve been handling my depression/anxiety quite well lately. I’ve even thought about cutting down my medication for obviously if the doctor think it’s ok. I have been a bit snappy lately but I’m putting that down to tiredness. The gym for me is really helping. Working out just seems to settle me down and release so much stress. I’m not here to preach what everyone should do. This just works for me. I’ve been keeping myself busy so I haven’t been over thinking. I was stressing about my blog as I haven’t been as consistent as I used to be. I’ve nearly done 200 post since March this year. I think I should’ve just posted every other day instead of everyday like I used to. I think I was just over excited when I first began blogging. I still get excited when writing a blog post. Even this one that I’m doing now 🤣 I’m now thinking about posting a few times a week. I was going to ask if you guys or gals would like to see do any specific posts or what would you like to see me post more of?

Would like to help.

I’ve been thinking recently that I’d like to help anyone with mental health issues. I don’t know if my posts help at all? Which I hope they do. I think my experiences may help someone or just someone to talk to. I’m no psychologist and won’t ve able to give medical advice. You will have to goto your doctor’s and talk to them. Please just leave a comment. I used to be embarrassed about it. Kind of still am sometimes as not many people know I’ve got depression. I find it easier to talk on here than someone face to face. I kind of think people will be judgemental about it. I even had what I thought was a friend say that “depression was just a weakness” which really fucking pissed me off to the point where I could’ve punched the twat in the face to make him realise how much of am obnoxious twat he’d been. Sorry I’m just ranting now. Just to let everyone no that my inbox is always open and no that’s definitely not a sexual innuendo 😂

Nearly 400 followers.

Once I reach this amazing milestone, I think I would like todo a giveaway. One of my books from my small collection. I will give the winner a choice of three books and they can pick any one of the three books. This will be UK only. As it will cost me a fortune to send it overseas 😂 I don’t know how to set up the competition yet. I’m guessing using raffelecopter will work? I will have to figure out 🤣

This is just a little post. I hope you’re doing well.

Peaked too soon.

Yes gentleman we’ve all done it. Including you..yes you 👋 My brain literally seems to be frazzled at the moment. Could it possibly be this glorious weather we are having here in the UK recently. I just can’t seem to find the motivation to write posts. I’ve got 39 draft posts that just need to be completed. Everytime I look at them I seem to manage to do something else 🤣 I do have todo alot of work on the house within the next few weeks so that’s going to take most of my time up. I’m still finding time to read. I’ve even tried reading 2 books at a time. I’m getting there slowly but surely 🤣 I think I’m just getting old and my brain doesn’t want to function unless I’ve had numerous amounts of coffee 😂 I do apologise for the post it’s just me posting something so you all won’t forget about me 😂

My over thinking brain. Would you kindly p*** off.

Why do I feel angry all the time. I’ve never felt like this before. I’m usually quite a chilled bloke. I never let anything bother me. But lately it just seems like everything is pissing me off. If something is happening I usually just keep my mouth shut but lately I’ve been having outbursts and saying what I’m actually thinking. I don’t know if I’m just over thinking this (there has been a lot going on in my personal life) so maybe that isn’t helping either.

I literally want to just to tell everyone to fuck off and leave me alone. I’m sure that’s just my depression trying to take over again. Well that can also fuck off aswell. As it’s not going to win.  I wish someone could take this away so I’d never have it again. Taking tablets just don’t work sometimes and pretty sure there isn’t an alternative.

I may have to go back to the doctor’s to see what else can be done. I’ve been eating really badly lately aswell so that won’t be helping my mood at all. So I could get that into check and hopefully that will help ease up things upstairs.

My head really needs an off switch. I’m over thinking everything lately and pissing myself off with it. Which is unfair to the people around me.

Think I’m going to end it there as I need to keep busy and stop thinking about this shit that’s going on in my head.

I apologise for the curse words but they seemed to fit better while I was writing 🤣

Finally signed up to a library.

I didn’t intenionally go to the library to sign. I took my daughter to library as we usually do once a month.

My daughter likes todo some colouring in while I usually sit down and wait. Today though was different, I seen a book that I’ve wanted to read for nearly a year. So I looked at it and couldn’t believe there it was Robin Hobbs Assassins fate (I’m really excited.to read this book)

I went over and touched the book to see if it was real and ran back to the seat hoping nobody seen me. So I kept looking over my shoulder to make sure it was still there, and praying to the book gods that it was.

To my delight it was still there. So I thought to myself I better pick it up before someone else gets it. So I ran faster than Usain Bolt I grabbed the book and sat down to read it.

So now I’m thinking I’m going to have to sign up to borrow this book. I’m not going to have time to read 800+ pages in an hour. I needed to read this book and can’t wait to get stuck into it. So I thought I would sign up. It will probably save me a fortune (since borrowing books is free 😂)  the only problem now is that I don’t want to hand it back in as I have nearly all the other Robin Hobb books and this would look nice with it 🤣

Anyway if you’ve made it this far I thank you for reading my rambling 😂